FEARLESS FREESTYLE POETRY (A PASSION AND TRUE ALLY OF MINE) "IF ONLY"
Sometimes
I think there is something really wrong
With me.
I hide from life
I hide from images of a loving relationship
And being held romantically close.
Just as I get to the bit where
I answer the door
And we fall into bed
I remember I need washing-up liquid,
Naples yellow
And a pound for the tooth fairy.
I can't even manage virtual sex
Without feeling somehow inadequate
And wondering how I can be 46
When I am only 25.
I need to get you out of my head
Forget the whatever it is between us
And not love how you throw your head back
When you are genuinely happy.
See, there it is now
That familiar grin
The little noise you make
When you find something funny.
Why do they jump into my head
While I am talking to a client?
"THE PATH OF THE HEALER"
It seems it's time for me to leave
If I stay, I'll only want you still
I'll end up texting you at 4am
My pillow soft and wet with tears
You're half a mile away from me
10,000 miles the gaping void
How much do you remember of us?
You smile at me with the saddest eyes
Why am I soft and female and rhythmic?
When life requires a shell of steel
The breeze brings me you and vintage leather
And the time you said I don't even look tired.
"BEING ME IN MY SKIN - UNTAINTED"
Peaches and cream in the morning
Laughter lines and oh-so feint stretch marks
Orifices for outside communication
Nails embedded deeply in my flesh
Screaming without making any noise
Richer than a multi-millionaire
Wise with the wisdom of ages
Aching to be touched by a man who knows the real me
inside and out
Frivolous, with lipstick and rouge
Splendid in the naked mirror
Unwound, irresistible to everything real
Bizarre that I awoke again human
Registered blind when it came to my husband
Humbled in the presence of my beautiful children
Lost and found by everybody passing
Whole
Complete
Like a sparrow on the wing
who welcomes windscreens and pedestrians,
smiling
Loose and free, teeth chattering
Body shaking.
Meaningful
to myself
Let go, out of control
Hidden under silky clothes
"THE POLITICS OF LONELINESS"
I stood over the kitchen drawer
looking at the paracetamol
16p to kill yourself
if you buy the cheap generic brand.
3 days of agony
Then, poof, you're gone
It was all a dream, a spider's web.
3 days of watching your children's faces
knowing they cannot bring you back.
Bills and lies and ugly mirrors, left in another portal.
The search for truth a suppository
Empty before insertion.
The best sweeties
are the ones that call to you
in the darkest moments of your awakening
Letting you know they're near to hand
like alcohol, loans and
fast train platforms.
Sometimes one foot in front of the other
is just too big a deal.
(No Mum, I'm not suicidal, just observing!)
"THE KISS"
Your skin was
hot and electric.
I knew I mustn't
and I did.
There was salt
wet on your pores
I licked it
dangerously.
I never meant
to dive into
the masculine shape
of inadvisability.
It called me softly
when you smiled.
your neck
danced in the sunlight.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY HALF-CENTURY BOY"
Wow, what a party!
I robbed the casino of $50m
(And stole lots of green chips too)
It's amazing how a pair of breasts
Can distract the most disciplined croupier...
Anyway,
Vicki got down and dirty with Elvis
My brother Markey drank Malibu with milk
I stayed faithful to Tattinger
And woke without a headache (Uh?)
Even Boo put her broomstick down
Sam and Clive smooched quietly
My heart exploded with love for Dad
Mum watched her babies from a comfy chair
The band played way beyond their booking
Dancing and mingling with the guests
The caricature artist was a friendly Bulgarian
Who thanked me for the prawns and champagne
(You're welcome, I've billed them to Markey!)
Two waitresses cried openly
At the amount of love flying round that house
They had never seen anything like the way
We all became children again.
Happy 50th Birthday Mark, ha, ha. I love ya! x
"NATURAL HIGH"
Still
You blow my mind.
I said to my heart,
"Look, we're just saying hello,
It's been eight months now,
We've both moved on."
(Me and cardio-rodeo)
Yeah right.
It's lucky the heart's not a sexual organ,
I would have been in serious trouble
Standing in the middle of a private view
With a heart on.
You blow my mind.
You blow me away
You blow yourself up
I watch you do it
Like silk billowing in the breeze
And bread fresh out of the oven
Standing under a waterfall
And laying gazing up at the stars
You make me feel
You blow my mind
Every time
I see you.
"DEBBIE DO"
Debs said, "Hiya Kim, how are you doing?"
And gave me a soft warm hug
I said, "Happy Birthday Deb
It's good to see ya!"
Her freckles made me feel safe.
We went inside
And talked about everything
From painting, to eczema to dreams.
I got clear in my head
My body felt better
Her insight clearing a path.
Time is so precious
Debs is so precious
A gem in my present day life.
Thanks for today Deb xx
"SINGLEDOM"
Sometimes,
Just sometimes
I would like to have a man I could rely on
Take my hand
Hold it warmly in his
And say,
"It's alright Kim,
Really, it is alright."
That would be good,
Sometimes.
"FIRST CUT"
George split up with his girlfriend
So I made him eggy bread
And frothy hot chocolate.
Like me, he doesn't like consolation.
I said, "When one door shuts, another door opens -
hurts when it slams on your fingers though."
And you can't see a way out of pain.
The sun will rise on my boy tomorrow
And he will love and hurt and love.
"FEEL"
Give me
Anything you like
Take me
Somewhere in the dark
Feed me
Salty and sugary
See me
Inside and out
Feel me
In your hot breath
Touch me
Without fear of loss
Buy me
Time in the moment
Risk me
Being in your space
Be me
Step in my skin
Leave me
Yearning and wanting
Reach me
Fall in my step
Meet me
Up in my heart
Love me
Whenever you can
"ACCESS"
If I tell you what's in my head
Will you show me what's in your heart?
I know that trust is fraught with danger
It's safer just to stay indoors
I like the look of your steely armour
Something about you appeals to me
So I'm going to knock
And if you don't answer
I'll climb the staircase
Tread by tread
I'll softly step across your boundary
Because I know you're in there
"PULSE"
I awoke in the night
to find my arm
nestled underneath my ear
And my heart,
instead of saying 'Flib-Dub',
was dancing a full-on jig!
This wonderful rhythm
pulsing in my ear,
Quite unlike the standard 'Flib-Dub'
mere mortals live by.
I smiled sleepily to myself,
'cos sometimes life is hard
and other times life is brilliant -
Like when my heart
performs a magnificent solo
that I might not even have known about.
I said 'Bravo, Kimmy, Bravo!'
and applauded myself in to another dimension.
"HIYA"
I saw my reflection
in a favourite c.d.
And I wasn't ugly -
I wasn't ugly.
A little short, perhaps?
Indeed, "well-rounded"
An admirer once called me "well-rounded"
as he gave me a dirty wink.
"REAL"
Me mum was staying with me
And I went to pour a glass of wine
She looked at me
And at the glass
Her tone disapproving.
Mum and Karen got cancer
Both following their man's departure.
So if I want a glass of wine
Or to say the 'F' word
Or walk around knickerless
Or kick the skirting
Or leave the washing-up overnight
I just bloody well will.
"I'M SHOT PA!"
When he left she
Didn't break down she
Didn't swear she
Didn't throw a thing
~
she
~
Held it all inside she
Carried on working she
Had tried to break free she
Returned to the family bosom she
Felt stifled and helpless she
Grew a bunch of tumours she
Got very sick she
Waltzed with death
sHe
Re-evaluated her life
~
SHE
~
Came out from under
~
SHE
~
Chose to live
~
SHE IS THE LIVING BEAUTIFUL
~
153,397 people died from their cancer in the UK in 2004,
accounting for 1 in 4 of all deaths.
Before your issues become your cancer:
Carpe Diem! People, Carpe Diem!
"PUMP"
The human heart
masquerades
as a pump.
72 beats (or more)
every minute
of our life.
Everything we are
stored
in four little chambers -
our intuition
history
loves great dream.
I think
it's clever and funny
of the universe
to give us something we deplore
(a wolf in sheep's clothing)
as our primary means to exist.
And we wonder why
the chest area
is so vulnerable
in our society.
It's enough to make you cough.
"WORLD BOOK DAY"
I spent the day teaching poetry
To the innocent children of Buckland School
Innocent in their brave approach
The end result filled my eyes with tears.
I love poetry.
It lives in me,
exudes from me,
Makes me whole from wretchedness.
I drove to Jo's
And stood in the garden
next to the palm tree
the sun on my face.
"SHE BLEW A HOLE IN ME"
It's one thing to feel an attraction to someone
Quite another to betray his invisible wife
While he speaks words of understanding to you
She cooks and shops and raises kids
She, the wife, wants to make love al-fresco
Stare at a painting 'til the canvas bleeds
Swim naked in a lake and dance 'til her feet hurt
Share her grand plans with her weary prince
Vixen, the girlfriend, wants daddy's love
An open validation of her reason for being
With meticulous care, the bleached-blonde temptress
Praises his efforts with her lipstick mouth
And he, the husband, of faded idealism
Chases promotion down a cul-de-sac
He's a keen man-manager, who follows the news
On the radio in his German car
And so it is, the western dream
Of youth, hard sell, domestic bliss
The gentle flapping of fish out of water
Quieter than the persistent rain
"P.J.M."
I know your pain
Yes I do
And I just want to say
Thanks for answering your phone
When you really didn't have to.
Thanks for being intuitive
Beyond the call of duty
For feeling my tears
And making it safe
To come to you once again.
I.L.Y.
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